the tornado that passed through springfield late yesterday evening passed right over my house.  thank God.

http://www.xanga.com/sthlrd007
for a few pictures: click on the above link.  ((thanks, kyle.)) 
keep in mind that these pictures were taken quite late last night and therefore cannot capture the destruction done to numerous buildings.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11809250/displaymode/1176/rstry/11788140/
and the above link ^^ is actually the building just next to my dad's office.  i mean, right next to.  my dad's office, again thankfully, is fine. 
nobody went in to work today.  no businesses are open.  at all.

my family is okay.  as is everyone else i know in springfield.
the city is still without power, and there are gas leaks all over the city.  school is canceled atleast through tomorrow.
and many others, even in my neighborhood were not so lucky.  houses a few streets down have lost roofs and blown out windows.
i have just gotten off the phone with my mom.  one of the large trees in our backyard was uprooted.  a couple others are nearly torn out of the ground-- and are so leaning on our fence that might require some fencing repair.

things are busy here at school this week.
but i might be going home this weekend. 

(gotta love the midwest.  this is what we are known for.... but i never saw it this bad.)

Currently Listening Furthermore: From the Studio/From the Stage By Jars of Clay from the stage. see related

the greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is christians. 
who acknowledge me with their lips, walk out the door, and deny me by their lifestyle.
that is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.

breaks always do this to me.
i think a whole lot. and i am around other people that i am normally not around.  so this makes me think even more.


(parent.)  "i sure hope you go to a safe country, alison."

(me: thoughts.)  "will they (the people we minister to this summer) see the doubt and fear in my eyes?  who am i, God?  what if i lose my step and fall?  what if i stumble?  what if i make a fool of myself.... i do not have the right words.  i am not ready.  i did it once. but can i do it again?  am i really supposed to do it again??

okay, this i surely know.  (i do not know many things for sure, but this is for sure.)  i heard Him calling my name.  and i answered. 

seriously, though.  so many people raise their eyebrows at me. when they hear that i am returning to cti this summer. like, "why would you want to do that?  don't you have to work?  and earn money?  you know, what the typical college kid does each summer?  didn't you do that last summer?"  and then when they find out i am not going back to australia, it's like double time.  "why the heck would you want to go back then?  do you know where you are going to go?  ohhhh.....uh-huh.....well.... if you were my child, you would be staying home to work for your education." 

no, they don't say all those words with their mouths.  but, they say them all the same.  they do.  trust me. 
and am i really that shallow?  do i honestly give that impression?  i am not returning for myself!  i am not returning to have another great summer experience.  and it's also not to meet other amazing people.  and it's not to further my musical ability.  and it's not to get out of working a boring typical june-august job.  and it's not to get out of my house.  and it's not to travel and see another part of God's creation.  and it's not for any other selfish motivation the human brain can think up.
i do it because God gave me the ability to play, and He planted in me a passion for it.  and so far, He has opened up doors for me to return. 
i do it because I love my Savior. and I want to share it with other people my age.  and if I can do it through music, then i'll take it.  i'll take that opportunity everytime God lays it before me. 

----------------------------------------------

the rest of my break was well-spent. 
   (besides being in the chicago o'hare airport, the phoenix airport, the dallas/ft. worth airport, and the st.louis airport.)
i taught my g-ma to slap the dash when we go through a yellow light.  and i taught her to hit the top of the car and simultaneously say p-diddle when we see a car with one headlight out.
i also taught my g-ma how to sing along with the beatles in the car.
and that raspberry milkshakes at dairy queen are one of the best things ever.
and to always start heating the hot tob a good five hours before you want to get in it.
and the circle of fifths.

she taught me the value of laughing at yourself.
and she gave me a crash course in "elderly people get-togethers." 

phoenix had 143 days without rain. or any other kind of precipitation.
day 144=saturday march 11=the day i left.  but it wasn't day 144 without rain.  it was day 1 with rain.  urgh.  atleast it was the day i left.

  so, i am back in the state of indiana. 

you know what i think?
i think we could all learn a whole lot from old people.

and after much observation.  here i come.
there is something about an elderly person which reminds me of a young child.  and no, i do not mean that elderly people are childish or immature- not in the least bit is that what i am implying. 
i only mean that children find joy in the smallest places.  and when i look at my own grandmother, and her friends, and her mere acquaintances at the recreation and wellness center, i see the same joy for no huge apparent reason.  they are happy to be existing, they are happy to have another go at life.  they smile at you.often.
and their laughter fills my ears when i am here in arizona. 

back at home, life is very different.  i think, moreover i am convinced now more than ever before, that when the teenage years hit, something dramatic happens.  well, several dramatic things happen.  but the one i currently refer to is this: we find ourselves feeling naked and people are pointing.  so we stop laughing and we put masks on our joy and life takes a much more serious approach.  all of the sudden.  laughter and joy are things to be contained. things that are not to be expressed in the classroom, in the office, in the home.anymore. 

but here. people retire.  and they have time to think about life. and so, they revert back to their childlike states of unrestrained joy. laughter is okay again. emotions can be expressed. no more feelings of nakedness. no more fears of being exposed. 
and the biggest thing i think- is that we are all self-conscious.  i will speak for myself.  i am incredibly self-conscious.  and so, sometimes, i catch myself acting how i want others to perceive me.  how i wish to be remembered. instead of taking more of an approach to life like my grandma.  laugh when you do something really stupid. when you forget something. when you would rather like to come down hard on yourself. 
it is alright. life is meant to be lived. not suffered.  and certainly not gone through self-consciously.  is it?  no, i do not think so.

Currently Listening Speak For Yourself By Imogen Heap, Imogen Heap see related

i smell like aloe lotion.
and i can see my freckles much clearer in the mirror now.

my days consist of sleeping and eating the tangerines of my grandparent's tree in the backyard.
                  cool morning walks and fresh strawberries.
                 entire afternoons with a towel, a pool, a hot sun, and headphones. and donald miller.
                renting movies at blockbuster and being treated to candlelit dinners (at home).
                          and then tickling the ivories. 

i am so unbelievably spoiled.
and i never want to leave.  quite honestly.

friends, i do miss you.  oh, how i wish you could be here with me.  because then, i would be even happier.  next year?  we should do this together.  

the last sermon i remember my grandpa preaching is entitled come before winter.  august 2003.  this afternoon, my grandma found a tape- it just so happens to be one of the few that she has on tape.  i have yet to listen to it. 

yesterday afternoon, i did some exploring.  and i happened across some vhs tapes of way back when.
first thing i saw- was myself: age 3.5. and bratty as ever.  sortof.  my brother had just been born.  my mother had short hair.  and my grandparents were as proud as ever.  and my father had hair.  and we were all darn cute.  and i sang songs about jesus shamelessly.  it was really quite an entertaining video. 

Currently Listening Beneath Medicine Tree By Copeland see related

"Be self-controlled and alert. 
Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 

Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers 
                                throughout the world 
                   are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ,
   after you have suffered a little while,
will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."

I was reminded tonight of a certain afternoon last summer.
               in australia.with my team.
         kym, you let God speak through you that day. 
   and your words are still with me.

this afternoon, i fell asleep by a pool in the sunshine. listening to copeland.
      i woke up, and the sun was setting.
tomorrow, grandma and i are going to our favorite place for breakfast.
   she told me tonight that she would like to rent walk the line.

my dear, i am not giving up. 
   i refuse to write you off.  that is not what friends do.
    i ache for another conversation.  you and i, we fit well together.
  if you find yourself here, on my side of town. i pray that you'll come to my door. 
    i just know that you warm my heart. and know what all my imperfections are. 
   and i think that you are the brightest little firefly in my jar.